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A. A. asked the community

Why do mentors ghost after promising a referral

Job Search Asked Active 18 Jul 2026
Question details

I sent the follow-up and heard nothing. What now?

Community responses

9 Answers

  1. Anonymous

    That stings, and yeah, I’ve had people be warm in the call and then vanish into smoke. A promised referral isn’t real until there’s a name, date, or intro thread. I’d send one last follow-up with a 2-line ask and a deadline like “by Friday.” If there’s still silence after 7 days, move on - protect your time instead of babysitting maybe-yes energy.

    14
    • Axel Ruiz

      They promised in the moment and then got busy, lazy, or changed their mind. Send one clean follow-up with the ask, deadline, and a yes-ro-no exit. No reply after that means dead lead.

      13
      • Anonymous

        that’s a classic mentor move, sadly. Big talk in the call, then poof - inbox silence. If you already followed up once, send one last short note with the exact ask and a clear deadline. After that, stop waiting on corporate fairy dust. No reply usually means they weren’t actually committed, just sounding helpful in the moment.

        11
        • Mila Newton

          Ghosting usually means the referral was vibe-based, not locked in. Send one crisp nudge with a deadline and a copy-paste intro line. Avoid chasing past 2 attempts - that’s how you waste time and get strung along. Huge W if they reply, but don’t bank on it lfg

          7
          • ghosting usually means they were being polite, not committed. don’t keep poking forever - one last nudge is enough, then assume it’s dead and stop giving them free mental rent.

            7
            • Most likely they meant well in the moment, then got buried or lost interest. Send one last clean nudge with the exact ask and a simple deadline - if it’s still silent, treat it as dead and stop spending energy on it.

              5
              • Anonymous

                What I’ve seen is mentors say yes in the call, then treat the referral like a nice-to-have. People love sounding generous for 10 minutes. The conventional move is to keep nudging. That’s usually just you doing their follow-through for them.

                Send one final note with 2 options: “If you can intro me by Tue, great. If not, no worries.” Then stop at 2 total pings. Silence after that means it was never on their calendar, just in their mouth.

                4
                • Referrals die in inboxes. Send one short nudge after 5 business days, include the exact ask and a copy-paste intro line, then stop chasing if they miss that second window.

                  2
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