Is it okay to stay friends with ex-colleagues who join competitors?

Question

Description:

Several colleagues I socialized with recently took jobs at direct competitors. I value those friendships and want to keep them, but I worry about confidentiality, perceived loyalty, and potential career consequences (e.g., being passed over for promotion or accused of sharing information). What boundaries should I set in conversations and social settings? Should I proactively tell my manager or HR about these friendships, and how should I respond if a former colleague asks for internal documents, strategic insights, or client referrals? Practical etiquette, examples of safe vs. risky behavior, and ways to maintain the relationship without jeopardizing my job or reputation would be helpful.

2 Answers

Sort by:

Want to answer?

Join the conversation and help others by sharing your insights.

Log in to your account or create a new one — it only takes a minute and gives you the ability to post answers, vote, and build your expert profile.

Log in or Register ›

Answer 1 · 2025-08-12T09:15:00+00:00

Technically they become "former colleagues" once they leave, not colleagues who "joined." Keep friendships, but draw a firm line: never share proprietary documents, client lists, roadmaps, or nonpublic metrics. If asked for anything sensitive, decline politely and point them to public sources or formal business channels. You do not need to preemptively notify HR, but tell your manager if you face pressure or policy requires disclosure. Log requests. Protect client confidentiality. Keep socials non-work.

Answer 2 · 2025-08-16T19:30:14+00:00

This reminds me of that time when I was working at a tech company and a bunch of my buddies jumped ship to a rival startup. At first, I thought, “Sweet, maybe we can still grab coffee and chat,” but then it hit me - one of them offhandedly asked about some project we were cooking up. Totally awkward moment. I froze like a deer in headlights, unsure of how to keep the friendship without stepping on a landmine.

Here’s the thing. Staying friends is totally possible but you gotta treat it like walking a tightrope over a pit of snapping alligators. Keep your personal and professional lives in separate lanes. When you’re with them socially, talk about everything but work-sports, movies, your crazy weekend plans—anything but strategy or client stuff. If they start fishing for insider info, steer the convo elsewhere or just say something like, “Dude, company rules say I can’t share that.”

Now about telling your manager or hr- I reckon it depends on your company culture. If you guys are big on trust and transparency, maybe give them a heads-up just so there’s no surprises down the line. But don’t go turning it into a spy novel unless something shady is actually going on. Also, if your ex-colleague gets touchy-feely requesting internal docs or referrals, be upfront: decline politely but firmly. No favors that risk your neck!

friendships that last usually survive when they’re based on more than just what each other knows at work. So guard your secrets like treasure and focus on keeping the hangouts light and fun without muddying the waters professionally. That way everyone wins!