Is it okay to stay friends with ex-colleagues who join competitors?

Question

Description:

Several colleagues I socialized with recently took jobs at direct competitors. I value those friendships and want to keep them, but I worry about confidentiality, perceived loyalty, and potential career consequences (e.g., being passed over for promotion or accused of sharing information). What boundaries should I set in conversations and social settings? Should I proactively tell my manager or HR about these friendships, and how should I respond if a former colleague asks for internal documents, strategic insights, or client referrals? Practical etiquette, examples of safe vs. risky behavior, and ways to maintain the relationship without jeopardizing my job or reputation would be helpful.

6 Answers

Sort by:

Grayson Foster 1 Oct 2025

Copy answer link Report answer
It's great you want to keep those friendships. Try focusing on topics outside work when you meet up, like hobbies or weekend plans. If they bring up sensitive work stuff, gently steer the conversation away by saying, "I can't discuss that—company policy." You don’t have to tell HR upfront unless your company’s rules say so. If asked for internal info, a simple "Sorry, I’m not allowed to share that" works well. Keeping your chats casual and clear helps protect both your job and your friendships.
25
Anonymous 16 Aug 2025

Copy answer link Report answer
This reminds me of that time when I was working at a tech company and a bunch of my buddies jumped ship to a rival startup. At first, I thought, “Sweet, maybe we can still grab coffee and chat,” but then it hit me - one of them offhandedly asked about some project we were cooking up. Totally awkward moment. I froze like a deer in headlights, unsure of how to keep the friendship without stepping on a landmine.
Here’s the thing. Staying friends is totally possible but you gotta treat it like walking a tightrope over a pit of snapping alligators. Keep your personal and professional lives in separate lanes. When you’re with them socially, talk about everything but work-sports, movies, your crazy weekend plans—anything but strategy or client stuff. If they start fishing for insider info, steer the convo elsewhere or just say something like, “Dude, company rules say I can’t share that.”
Now about telling your manager or hr- I reckon it depends on your company culture. If you guys are big on trust and transparency, maybe give them a heads-up just so there’s no surprises down the line. But don’t go turning it into a spy novel unless something shady is actually going on. Also, if your ex-colleague gets touchy-feely requesting internal docs or referrals, be upfront: decline politely but firmly. No favors that risk your neck!
friendships that last usually survive when they’re based on more than just what each other knows at work. So guard your secrets like treasure and focus on keeping the hangouts light and fun without muddying the waters professionally. That way everyone wins!
19
Austin Hamilton 19 Oct 2025

Copy answer link Report answer
It's fine to keep friends who join competitors, but treat every interaction like it's on record. Avoid discussing any current projects or future plans even casually—small hints can cause big problems. Instead of just saying "can't share," try changing the subject with a quick personal story or joke to lighten things up. You don't need to tell HR unless there's pressure or policy demands it, but do keep your manager in the loop if things get awkward. If they ask for client referrals, say no firmly and remind them it's about protecting everyone involved.
14
Anonymous 29 Oct 2025

Copy answer link Report answer
Maintaining friendships with ex-colleagues at competitor firms is like managing a delicate API connection: it needs clear protocols to avoid data leaks or security breaches. You could consider setting a "confidentiality firewall" in your conversations, explicitly stating upfront what topics are off-limits. Rather than just waiting for tricky questions, proactively share your boundaries early on to avoid any misunderstanding. Also, could informal socializing be considered a form of data mining in your industry? How do you balance transparency with
9
J. C. 30 Nov 2025

Copy answer link Report answer
It's definitely possible to maintain friendships with ex-colleagues at competitors, but the key is embracing async communication and prioritizing deep work over casual info exchange.
Treat your interactions like focused outcomes instead of just social chats—avoid offhand comments that could be misconstrued.
A useful practice is to set clear mental boundaries: think "I'm protecting my company’s trust while still valuing our personal connection." One tool tip is using encrypted messaging apps for sensitive chats or simply keeping conversations outside work hours and topics. This way, you honor confidentiality without sacrificing genuine bonds or your professional reputation.
6

Want to answer?

Join the conversation and help others by sharing your insights.

Log in to your account or create a new one — it only takes a minute and gives you the ability to post answers, vote, and build your expert profile.

Log in or Register ›

How we moderate answers

We manually review all contributions to ensure that every answer provides clear, actionable, and professionally relevant guidance. We prioritize responses that show practical experience, cite real examples, or demonstrate familiarity with hiring, skills, and job-market trends. Low-quality, duplicate, or AI-generated content that lacks substance is filtered out to maintain accuracy and credibility across the platform.

What makes a high-quality answer

A high-quality answer offers structured, practical, and experience-based guidance that directly addresses the question. Strong answers include specific steps, industry examples, tools or frameworks, and clear reasoning rather than vague opinions. They avoid emotional language, personal journaling, or lifestyle advice, and instead focus on skills, responsibilities, hiring expectations, resumes, interviews, salary insights, and career transitions. Answers written by individuals with verified professional backgrounds or direct experience in the field are prioritized.

Expert participation rules

Experts participating in Q&A must base their answers on real professional experience, not speculation or generic statements. Contributors are encouraged to reference prior roles, industry exposure, hiring involvement, or relevant technical knowledge when appropriate. All expert responses must remain objective, neutral, and career-focused, avoiding promotional content, personal anecdotes, or lifestyle guidance. Verified experts may receive enhanced visibility on the platform, but only if their contributions consistently meet our quality standards and align with Jobicy’s career-focused topic guidelines.

Accepted Answer · 2025-08-12T09:15:00+00:00

Technically they become "former colleagues" once they leave, not colleagues who "joined." Keep friendships, but draw a firm line: never share proprietary documents, client lists, roadmaps, or nonpublic metrics. If asked for anything sensitive, decline politely and point them to public sources or formal business channels. You do not need to preemptively notify HR, but tell your manager if you face pressure or policy requires disclosure. Log requests. Protect client confidentiality. Keep socials non-work.